Currently I am faced with the following obstacle in my life: I have to prepare a two minute radio news broadcast for a radio/drama practical exam. Some people might respond to this as fun and exciting but I only see horror and humiliation. This fear of humiliation is only stressed when I compare myself with many of the drama students in my class. Packed with confidence (and some even with total insanity) they don’t even bat an eye when the insane lecturer yells something horrifying at them. I on the other hand take it all too personally.
Most people who know me would say I am a fairly confident and extroverted person. This might be true but for years I have dreaded anything even remotely similar to public speaking. I once had to address a group of classmates and explain the influence that reality television has on the youth. Fairly confident and nonchalant I prepared my notes informing my fellow group members that I am the perfect candidate to engage with the public. I was wrong! As soon as I got onto the stage and uttered my first few words I saw all those miserable (I pride myself in believing they’re misery was caused by the fact that it was a late Friday class) faces judging me. Then something happened. Unexpectedly my hands started to shake. The more I would try to control the vibration in my limbs, the more I would mess up the next line, which then leads to more vibrating. This cruel circle then continued for another few minutes.
I completely and utterly hate fear. Fear is my kryptonite (this is the fictional and only element used to defeat the undefeatable Super-Man). I have so many aspirations, dreams and goals set out for myself and all of them waiting to be accomplished. This would only happen if I can overlook this suffocating sense of fear. The truth is I would love to be part of a radio station. Being a radio journalist, news reader or even a radio DJ is a job I would absolutely love to pursue thus the uncontrollable panic I have when I think about the practical exam luring behind tomorrow’s To-Do’s.
All of this said, I take pleasure in looking back at many obstacles (and boy I had plenty) I feared before but have overcome and even now, taken for granted. Still, I get butterflies only thinking of my total embarrassment tomorrow.